Thanks for the responses. You bring up some good points for me to work on. I haven't looked at his messages in months or asked him about it. I do need to work on being more encouraging to him. His ego seems fragile. I try to tell him he looks great when he cleans himself up and thank him when he does stuff like cleaning the house. He seems unresponsive to me. Like my opinion does not matter to him anyway. He has no idea my mind still circles around all of this actually. We have not talked about the incident in a very long time. I just want him to love me like he did before, tell me I am beautiful, and have desire to be around me in and out of the bedroom. I often feel he is only here with me because of the child. We try date nights and neither of us really has much fun anymore. I want to have fun. I miss the days we could talk. I miss the days we would go out and laugh and play together. I have grown so much in the last 12 years. I am not that same 19 year old girl he met and fell in love with, and it worries me he doesn't like the 32 year old strong-willed, working mother that I have become. He says the cheating was solely about him and his selfish desires to boost his ego at a time when he was without work and I was supporting everything, but how am I to believe that. I would never go sleep with someone just because I didn't like myself. It's so complicated. Being married and staying in love after infidelity is one of the hardest things I have ever faced. I feel like while I have been and can work more on forgiveness, I will never really be able to forget. Especially when it seems he is not all that interested in me like he used to be. He refuses to go to couples therapy or even go on his own. He says he will talk to me, but doesn't. I don't really even know what I can say to him to get things back to the way they were before. I thought date nights and time would do the trick, but I don't think it's working out very well so far. Maybe more time is what I need to give it.