This all may sound like avoiding the elephant in the room. Sometimes that is the right way to handle things. Otherwise she is just going to avoid you, like she has been doing. She doesn't want you judging her. She knows she's in a mess. She knows better than you do. Do you think this bonehead boyfriend is any prize to live with? For whatever reason, she is not ready to let go of him. She will when it feels right for her. That's her right. Someday, she will love you for respecting that.