It's been a while since I posted anything on here, perhaps over a year, but I just want to vent and see if anyone relates to my post. I initially joined this site about 2 years ago to try and gain some insight into what was the very beginning of my depression. At the time, depression was a new experience for me. I had bouts of low moods prior, but I don't think it was clinical depression. I struggled to find answers, researched, and spoke to people on this forum to try and get some advice and info. I felt that I had basically put my life on hold for almost an entire year obsessing over my mind and what had happened to it. Eventually, i decided to move forward as best I could and go back to school. My depression never really resolved, but I feel like I was managing it fairly well. Recently, I feel like I have not been able to manage it and my mind has grown weaker in battling it. I am very anxious and I am not sleeping well. I am back to ruminating and feeling completely stuck in my head and disconnected from the world.
It's times like these that I can't help but look back prior to 2 years ago when life was full of hope, promise, and excitement. Even though I was able to manage my depression alright for this past year, I never got back to the way I was. I was ok with that too. I realized that I had been dealt something that was not going to be an instant fix and would require daily effort to get through. As long as I could keep the very strong feelings of despair at bay, I was ok with that. Now that I am facing those feelings again, it really makes me feel hopeless and not content with myself. I am getting very nostalgic and just thinking about what life was like before all of this. Does anyone feel like their lives were just completely sidetracked by this illness? I just feel like I was so excited about life and now that it's been so long I have completely forgotten how I was and how my mind worked and interacted with the world. Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant, I just wanted to get it off my chest to other people who know what it's like to have depression. I will gladly read any replies and thoughts about my post.