The past is definitely something that should be learned from. I am starting to believe in order to learn from your past you must not hide from it or try to forget about it, but you must embrace it and accept it in order to learn. We must accept that we did experience traumatic situations, made horrible decisions and held grudges against people for too long. Its like we must actually let the pain and heartache from our past surface and we must feel the guild, shame and hurt again in order to come to terms and acceptance with it.

People tell me to just drop it, or let it go, and move on. Well folks its not that easy for me, I think about it every day but I never allow the pain to surface. Mainly because I'm scared to feel that way, I don't know what changes its going to bring, and I don't even know if I fully understand the extent of the pain.

I just enrolled in therapy today and my evaluation is tomorrow, I already feel shut down, and feel like I really don't need to talk to someone, but this makes me feel like I really should... I feel like I might be denying my emotions right now.