Quote:
Originally Posted by jaynedough
Hi Lost. I'm so sorry this has been going on.  I don't have the concentration to read all the way thru this thread. I do, however feel compelled to write to you what I should have said to my own mother years ago:
Dear Mom,
I'm so sorry for all that I put you through. I was in so much pain that I couldn't find the words. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to take responsibility for my mistakes and blamed you for many of them; they weren't your fault. I was so angry at you for not paying attention / paying too much attention / whatever. I couldn't believe that anyone could possibly love me. I don't trust love and kindness. You couldn't win. It took so long for me to trust your love; too long. How you put up with me all those years, I don't know. But I do thank you. I never tell anyone everything that's going on in my head, except maybe my T and PDoc. I never want anyone to know how bad things are. I put up walls. I never tore them completely down, but your love took alot of the bricks out. I'm so glad we got to be best friends before you died. I miss you more every day. I still feel your love in my heart. I love you, Mom. |
How kind of you to share such a beautiful note to your mother. I believe your mother knew how much you loved her. All mothers try. I believe my daughter also feels insecure about herself and has a trust issue. She has said since she was gone that she didn't feel respected or heard within the family. Unfortunately she never told anyone and built strong walls. The coach she has befriended has replaced her need for family right now. At thanksgiving we wished her well and she screamed back she will never go home. We have never been intentionally hurtful towards her. We thought we were good parents. She sis such a fabulous person! SO kind! We didn't know how she felt. After she screamed through email , she contacted my sister in law. maybe this is a start of something...I dare not to even be positive.
Our family is really struggling now and the six of us are going to have a rough holiday. The kids miss their sister
Thank you for your note.