The child is 22 months old.

The incident happen 12 months ago.
So the child was then 10 months old.

The birth of a firstborn CAN be a big stressor and definitely is a life changing event, in a positive sense. So the H was without work and you were supporting everything even though you had a baby at home. Who stayed home with the baby when you worked?

The two stories disagree. A drunken night together is one story. Boosting ego at a low time is another story. The former story is a story of an impulse, triggered by alcohol. A momentary lapse of judgment. The latter story implies an ongoing process and deliberation. Of course, both might have been the case - maybe he went to that bar being very down on himself, since having a wife who is the sole breadwinner and a new mom depressed his mood. So both things might have happened, no question about that, but then he should be verbalizing the connection between them, and he seems to be switching from one account to the other.

If you reread your own post and notice how frequently you use the words "work", "working", it might be eye-opening for you. You seem to believe that everything is a matter of working (e.g. you say that you are working on forgiveness) yet wish for playful times, fun, and laughter. You might very well be onto something when you say that your present persona of a strong-willed working mother is not to his liking. Have you asked him? Talking about that and not the incident seems to be much more promising.

Date nights do not work because they are work for you, too. Date nights is a trite recommendation of your typical couples counselor. Because date nights are so structured/planned/calendared, they are just another TODO on the list, especially if one spouse at least (you in your case) have formed an expectation that these date nights will work. You need spontaneous moments that are not structured, calendared, or planned, nor are expected to yield value - you cannot expect anything of spontaneous moments.

Stop the date nights since they are not working. If he reads books, ask what he is reading and perhaps read the same book to have a shared topic for a conversation. There are other things - a myriad of them - that one can do, but that has to be discussed on a case-by-case basis. Just drop the date nights since you know they are not working - why spend time and money on something that is not helping.

Does the child attend the daycare? What are the schedules like for the three of you?