Well, I miss them a lot. That's why I kept chasing them. As foolish as that was, I felt my life was empty with them gone. Because I struggle to mix in with ordinary people, I just like their presence. It is not easy to severe ties with those you grow fond of who only treat it as a job.

That ex-girlfriend is somebody I also love for reasons I cannot fathom. What good did she do for me, ever? Other than escorts, I do not get sex at all. I just have a wee play with myself every day. She on the other hand was artificial, yet I still love her. I love people who ain't even classed as dating material. That's how lonely I am!

Really. Non autistic people won't want me. I already went to a place for autism, albeit not very often, and I never really ever conversed with the ladies, nor was I aware of who was taken nor could I make anybody appear interested. I just feel now I will always be lonely. My confidence is rather low - the worst it has ever been. I cannot be around anyone now, without feeling anxious and struggling to breathe calmly.