Quote:
Originally Posted by jelly-bean
I hope that your T can help you figure this one out. You deserved to feel and be loved and it is very say that you are ashamed of it.
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Thanks, jelly-bean. I do think my T and I will figure it out but it may take awhile.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Skeezyks
Hello rainbow8: I have to say that, to me, it sounds as though there are some complicated mixed messages going on here. Perhaps it's just me, but I've never had this kind of "intimate" (meaning: close) encounter with a therapist. It may all be perfectly professional & therapeutic. But the exchange of "I love you"s, the hand holding, & discussion around not knowing what love is, feels to me like it could engender all sorts of mixed feelings. I'm not at all surprised that you felt triggered by shame & fear. And, I must emphasize that this is just me talking, but my inclination would be to question what's going on with the therapeutic relationship not with you. My best wishes to you...  |
Thanks for your concern. If I didn't know the whole situation, I'd question what's going on too! My T is totally professional. She just finished the 3 year course to be certified as a somatic experiencing practitioner. She spent many hours learning how to use touch in therapy. Holding her hand is for the specific purpose of regulating my nervous system.
As far as exchanging I love yous, that's not exactly how it was. I've been seeing her over 5 years, and used to have different parts ( she does Internal Family Systems therapy) who loved her or were in love with her. Parts according to IFS. I don't have DID. I was kind of miserable and obsessed with my T.
I'm different now. I emailed her and said those words because I feel so good about the therapeutic relationship now. The love I feel is normal, even the Mommy/baby part which I know is transference. My T, who has always told me she cares a lot about me, wrote "sending love to you." She never wrote that before, so I was surprised. She doesn't care differently than she did before. My feelings are from the past, I assume.
A couple of years ago we discussed love, whether it was okay for me to love her. That's when she first said what is love anyway?" She means that people interpret love differently, and there are so many different kinds. After 5 years of working together, my T wrote what she spontaneously felt, and she meant deep affection, which is simplified as "love."
My T uses different methods than most, but out of 5 Ts, she's the only one who has made any headway with my attachment issues.