So just an update with what happened tonight at the gym. I saw my ex-GF, and we talked a little bit about what's been going on. I told her that I've been seeking help on how to deal with my Mom, and I know that I have to make some major changes in my life to move forward, especially if I ever want a relationship with someone. She said she was hurt, but can clearly see that I've also been exponentially hurt by my Mom.

I also told her that there hasn't been a single day where I haven't thought about her, and I'm not sure if that either creeped her out, or if it hit her on some emotional level. Her response was that I've been on her mind quite a bit lately, and she was concerned about me, as she hadn't seen or heard from me in over a month. In fact, it seemed most people at the gym were concerned of my whereabouts for that matter. I also told her that it was a mistake on my part for ending our relationship, and that I deeply regretted it. She didn't respond or say anything. Earlier in the evening though she had mentioned that she was getting ready for her Christmas party at work, but hated going on her own. I'm not sure if that was a hint for a possible invite, or what - I honestly don't know how to read women. But no mention of seeing someone else, so who knows. But that's where that's at.

In all honesty, seeing her tonight didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. Perhaps having a good solid month away from her helped, especially if we're only going to be just friends. But I did come home feeling motivated to keep working, working hard at getting out of this toxic relationship with my Mother. Speaking of which... I started reading the book "Toxic Parents". Definitely getting some insight with that, including all the help I've been receiving here. Thanks again to everyone here for your insight.

One thing that does bother me still though, is I do feel bad talking so negatively about my Mom this way. I know she does love me and want the best, but I really do realize that this a very unhealthy lifestyle both of us are living.

And not to sound like a broken record, but there are things that keep coming to mind the more I think about stuff, certain things my Mom has done over the years that have hurt me. I'm surprised I hadn't mentioned this one earlier, because it's kind of morbid. When my Dad passed away, we obviously had to go out and purchase a cemetery plot. My Mom went ahead and purchased hers as well, so that when the time comes, she has her place ready to go next to my Dad. I found out about a year to two later, that she went ahead and purchased a single plot next to theirs for me. She never did once consult with me about it, she just went ahead and did it. Now I do understand the responsibility about doing something like this, I could get into an accident tomorrow and killed, anything is possible. But what really hurt the most, is that it's a single plot. Obviously in her mind I'm going to be single forever, and have no need to have a plot for two people. Or even the fact that I might want to be buried somewhere else. One of my Uncle's who remained single his entire life is buried next to his Mom and Dad (my Aunt and Uncle), but that was something he chose to do years beforehand, not a decision made by his parents. I don't know what I'm going to do about this one.

Ugh.

That's enough complaining about my Mom for tonight.