Hello and welcome to PC.

I can relate. I happen to get very severe depressions but most of my life I would have to say I have been in mild depression. The key word you mentioned is motivation. Having natural motivation to do things compared to others seems to be a real problem for me. It sounds as if maybe it is getting worse for you as time goes on. For me it started when I was 13. I got through high school and did real well. Advanced classes and played sports, had lots of friends, etc. In college things started going down hill. I only did well in classes I liked because I was more motivated because I liked them. Then even they became to much. Like I said I have had varying degrees of depression but the mild to moderate has been persistent. I have had many long periods where from the outside someone would say I was functioning very well. In reality all my energy went into work and doing a good job at work which I did. But at home when no one was looking I just crashed. Never cleaned or did much else for long periods. Just sleep, eat, computer, and work. I have also had some very good periods as well where I did a lot more than just work.

To me it is a problem of motivation. Once I am able to force myself into putting in enough energy to get over the hump things purr along nicely until I crash again. Then I have to get over the hump again.