Now I should clarify that I technically have left the house within the last 6 months if you include only riding in the car from one place to another, one trip to gamestop & a baby shower. I've been afraid to leave the house & there's no where I'm interested in going. I hate being around too many people & they emotional & physical reactions (severe anxiety & uncontrollable crying) I have when I'm in public are a major pain & that's why I'm homeschooled. I don't have any friends except one but I don't know if we're even close. I have no life at all. Before these past six months, I was living in another state with my dad. I was able to get out of the house more because my family when places every other weekend. Some may ask why was I was able to leave the house when I was with them & not while I'm with my mom & I don't fully understand why either. I think it's mostly because of the states my parents live in. Now I'm not the type to make stereotypes & generalizations but from my experience, people in mississippi are nicer & more laid back than people up here in stupid albany. When I went to school there, those kids were nicer & less superficial & shallow. I refuse to go to school up here anymore because the kids were so mean, disrespectful & shallow & it made me afraid & stressed me out tremendously. Please don't suggest to go back to school & face my fears & I'll get used to it. I went to public school from pre-k to 10th grade (11th grade now). It's not something I'll just get used t. It was years of intense stress & I've burned myself out.

My main problem is that people will see that for the past six months, my life has been pretty pathetic. I know most people won't care but just they'll still have mean thoughts about it. I know I can't control anyone's thoughts but there has to be something I can do to make up for this. I should be moving back with my dad in a couple of months. When I go back, I want to feel like I've done something, or have something to talk about or stories to tell or like I fit in on some level with my family down there. I don't want to lie & pretend I've had a life. That would REALLY be pathetic. I just want to be able to join in conversations & share my experiences. I can't say I've ever had much of a "life" per se but I've had plenty of interactions & experiences to talk about with people. I've already felt like I didn't fit in anywhere with my family & now I really feel like I don't. One of my cousin's who's my age used to say things like "What are you doing with your life?!". "You're lame." or "Get a life". I don't want that to be worse than it already was. There are no homeschooling groups in Albany so I can't make friends like that. I need to be able to do something that will give me experiences & stories to tell so I can feel like I'm a part of everyone else. I need advice on what to do that will make up for lost time & make me feel better when I go back with my family & when I go to school down there.