It feels like I didn't even know the T who I saw for several years well... I was starting to trust him and he turned on me. I wonder if he was trying to stir up a response in me with his repeated invalidation of me and my pain

He said some people are "beyond help" . I strongly disagree. He didn't say that about me and I see no point in his comment. I was such a fool to trust him and to be sucked in by the "transference". If he hadn't abandoned me when my mother was dying we might finally have been able to make some "significant changes" but he didn't care enough to hang in there with me. I feel like I was left at the side of the road, a bear cub in a basket, someone promised to care and to help, he said he didn't know how to get me to trust him. And he abandoned me and retraumatised me. Maybe I am "beyond help" ... So many horrible things have happened to me, none of which I deserved. It makes me so angry when people who we pay to "help" instead harm us.

I now do have some funds to see someone privately for a short time... I so don't want to do this. Again