I recently (about a month ago) broke up with my boyfriend of six months.

I feel like I have been completely had, fooled, walked over, crushed and blindsided.

When we first started dating everything seemed to be going well, after a few weeks he would call me drunk demanding to know if I loved him because he loved me. a few months go by and I went home for a week to visit my family, while I was away it seemed as though I was non-existent. When I got back there were a few hiccups and we did not see each other for almost two weeks.

There were a few times that he would make plans with me, then bail at last minute. Or he would go out drinking the night before and be completely out of commission the following day (the day we had plans)

He told me before that he was so lucky to have me and that I was his dream girl and that he loved me very much, but some of his actions would suggest otherwise. He never wanted to do anything besides watch tv or movies. His claim was that he works outside all day and I work inside all day so on his off time he just wants to relax and on my off time I want to do things. We are not talking being out of the house all weekend, but doing little things with the one I love, like mini putt, going to a comedy show.
However the second any of his friends would call him he was out the door at the drop of a hat. Drinking was always a priority.

Fast forward a few months. For the last month and a half we were dating this got worst. He would constantly tell me that he wanted to better himself and he wanted to slow down on the drinking (and drugs) and that he would not bail on me anymore. Well it happened time after time, (I would call to say I was on my way to his place to get him and he would say he is at the bar drinking, can we reschedule for the following night)
This would upset me immensely (mainly because I would never do this to someone I love) and I would let him know that he made me feel like crap, but he would always turn it on me, that it was my fault.

It got to the point that he would say things like "well I should just never make plans with you" like I was his back up. As long as his buddies would call to do something I was no longer useful.

This has hurt me so much and I find myself obsessing over all the details, everything that happened in the end and everything he said to me.

"This is why I don't want to hang out with you, because you talk about your feelings all the time" I know this is/was not healthy, however I loved this person more then I think he will ever know and I am completely crushed and miss him a lot.

Why cant I just let it go? Why cant it just be what it was and I move on?

I feel completely alone, and just want to be with him.