Hi, I'm new here and have a few concerns about ED, depression, surviving abuse (rape, twice) but then I don't know what's happening to me in terms of sex. I am married to a man who is not into sexual experiments and maybe that's one of the reasons I'm having an affair with my ex. He is also married and the reason for us breaking up some 13 years ago was my infidelity with other men abroad. Now we both are married and unsatisfied with our sex life. He wants to try a lot with me such as fisting, spanking, threesome etc etc and there were times when I agreed but then hated myself so badly and my eating disorder started to spiral out of control. So I left him. Then he suddenly emails me and I want to have sex with him but the next day I refuse. Right now I have not seen him for two years on my own initiative but the temptation is still there and I don't know how to get rid of it. I want sex with him but then all these bad feelings start arising inside me and I cancel everything and delete him from my life - until next time. What's wrong with me? maybe I should exercise more or smth