omg why oh why do I always feel worse around this time of year.

I end up crying and freaking out over things so much more around this time of year.
And yet if I am lucky every few days or so I can get to points where I feel better about things and will feel happy but it dosn't last for that long.

My boyfriend and I have lived separtely for a while now.....and he at times acts more like a single man now then before...and yet everyonce in a while he will turn around and talk to me about more serious conversations about getting married and having kids talks we have had before in the past.....but now he seems to be discussing them more seriously.

but of course things in life are so not that simple, I want lol and dare I say need to move out of my mothers house...just cause if I did not live at home I know my mental health would be a lot better.
but due to I am doing intensive trauma based theapy.....lately doing things.....to help myself...is a lot more difficult then it was before.

I went from having a job to now not having a job....cause dealing trying to have a job while doing the therapy I am was just too much of a challenge. I am in the process of trying to apply for medicare, and disability...and I am also trying to seek out part time work again...so that i can be able to have at least some form of income at all.

But I am also dealing with all of my mental health problems, and sensitivity to omg everything.

I have also been feeling more depression due to 31st birthday is coming up on the 19th of this month...and the closer I get to my birthday the more I just feel reminded of how poorly my life appears and feels to be going for me in my life.
lol I swear at this point even if it is folding to my agoraphobia maybe I just will barricade myself inside my house until the end of the holidays.

I know all of this stuff will sort it self out in time but I feel more reminded of this stuff more so then usually lately and I am starting to just get pissed the hell off by it.