I can't even put into words - I'm tired of this crap- I'm not sure what exactly is going on...

I was enjoying being active getting lots of work around the house done, camping, going out. Through Sunday I was feeling great - kind of on top of the world in control and then wham! I hate this going back into the darkness of not being able to see how to get throught the day. being overwhelmed - not sure how this is going to work out - having dangerous thoughts - why!