I've always felt this exact same way.

At first I wonder why I can't keep a job. But then I realize how monotonous it is, how soul-sucking it is to repeat the same tasks over and over. How awful it is to feel like a slave to the system, to watch your bosses steal your ideas and get bonuses for them. The sheer inequality in it all.

Then, I realize that my internal job crisis feelings aren't really that irrational. Because I see how ****ed the system is, and I don't want to be a part of it. Working these "jobs" feels like a violation to my core values. So no wonder I'm having an emotional crisis!

But at the same time I feel like I have no control, and the system won't change itself. So I feel helpless to just watch the world burn, when the solutions to the problems seem so obvious, because no one else can "see" the problems. They're too busy working within/for the system to care. They're caught in the rat race.

So yeah, what can we do to change it?

I'm currently struggling with unemployment, and my bank account is now dry.

To me, the solution is sustainability. I want save just enough to escape the system. I want to build a small house on some land, employ solar paneling, a small garden -- get off the grid. And for money (for those things that are necessary, medicine, and others) I want to work on freelancing. Basically being my own boss. Other than that, I would love to work with children, the homeless, or animals in some way.

Are these lofty goals? Yes. Is it improbable that I'll reach said goals with my mental illness. Yes. But the way I see it, this is what I want most in life, and everything I do works towards that. And if I gave up this dream, my dream for a better freer existence without "bills," then what would I even be living for?

Even if I never achieve this dream, I'll never give up.

But my problem is that so few people I meet can "see" these problems. I want to network with like-minded individuals, who also want to free themselves from the rat-race. But 99% of people I meet are too busy working for the rat-race to even stop and consider that there may be an alternative.

And I think this even explains my social problems too. I can't keep friends because I can't relate to most people. I have such a hard time relating to people, because what I want in life differs sooo much from the norm, that I feel even more alone when in the company of most people. I don't care for celebrity statuses, money, fame, or any of that BS. I want to talk to real people who want to create, live, and experience real joy (not just hollow pleasure).

But on the rare occasion that I meet someone who really shares my worldview, we click immediately, and making friends with them is easy and natural. But I meet so few people like this.

I think my feelings of disconnectedness and trouble keeping friends comes more from the immense pressure to conform to society (to be unauthentic with myself).

When you look at it this way, bipolar tendencies seem rational, and keeping the status quo seems insane.