This. I've been with my T for 2 years now and I've only recently begun to feel my child like part(s) as not entirely horrible and disgusting I've only just started to actually sort of visualize my one part who is probably like 4 or 5. She's cute lol and I hold her far away like she's not me since she really doesn't feel like part of me....So the disgust is waning and I'm starting to actually maybe feel a bit of okay-ness about her and a sort of curiosity. Her playfulness and joy is present sometimes. I kind of like it.....

But I could've written all of your posts in this thread, yearning. Every last one. I so get it.....and yesterday I saw my T and I was the ice queen. I was numb. All my feelings gone again and it's so hard and frustrating and confusing. But reading your posts here helped me. Maybe I need to really really tune into that child part of me during session. Try to connect with her. And feel. Have you been able to do this? I'm just starting to be able to do it outside of therapy and occasionally during, though it felt outside of my control. But maybe it is within our control? Maybe if we stop pushing the child away and actually try to get closer to her, she will show up in the room?