I can relate to this. In my teens and twenties I used to get really sad and have a lot of hateful inner dialogue toward myself and often suicidal thoughts. Then after it was over it was like 'what was that?'. It took me years to correlate those feelings with my period (I suck at recognizing patterns).

Now into my 30's, unfortunately, it's everyone else that I feel hateful toward- like all of a sudden everyone has gotten stupid and unbearably annoying. I walk around charged anticipating someone to provoke me. I'm very frightened by the feeling of wanting to physically hurt others at times. Sometimes I lash out at people or consider firing employees. Sometimes I think about quitting my job or other drastic impulses. Recently I self injured. Then when I get my period instead of the relief like before I have a lot of guilt over how I behaved and felt.

I almost feel like I was a better person when all this anger was directed toward myself. It makes me wonder how much of me is consciously controlled by me. Such a weird feeling.

This issue is actually how I came to be at pc. After my last episode I looked up suicide online -sometimes that helps put things in perspective, takes the thoughts outside my mind and puts them in front of me so I can look at it objectively- and one of the sites I found led me here.

I'm glad it did. All of you are very helpful, thanks for this thread.