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Do I make these changes quietly so my Mom won't notice as much, rather than just ripping it off like a band-aide? I honestly haven't mentioned my ex's name in months, and I'm not sure if I should or shouldn't? I suppose that's one of the reasons I'm came to this forum; not just to vent, but to get some opinions on how I should handle the situation as I make these changes in my life. Slow and steady, or fast and hard with my Mom?
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My thought is to tell your mom that you've been doing a lot of thinking and have decided to regain some independence in your life. It is time. You acknowledge her love for you and you need to do this anyways.
That is your "fair warning" to her.
If she yells and carries on about it, so be it. As Rose said, she is going to blow up sooner or later, and probably both!, and you will need to stand your ground regardless.
After that, start doing whatever you want to do. Tell her what you are doing if it is something you want her to know. Otherwise don't tell her.
Now, let's take seeing potential-gf at the gym as an example. If your mom were to behave normally, would you want her to know that you saw potential-gf along with other friends? I am thinking that you would. If so, tell her and see what happens.
If she behaves normally, great!
If she blows up, that's when you can say "Mom, I'd love to talk to you about parts of my life, but not if you're going to blow up and get insulting."
And see what happens. Maybe she can learn to deal with normal behavior from her adult son. Maybe not. You will eventually figure out what to tell and not tell her--but in the meantime continue to make your own choices and live your own life.
Be strong!