I don't think coming up behind you for a hug or cuddle is too much to expect...

Have you discussed this with him...

Too much to expect is for him to know that is what you want...Sounds like he is not really sure what to do. I good candid conversation when you are feeling up to it would probably help a bit in this area...

No need to throw 19 years away especially if he is a good man. Sometimes we need some direction though. I seldom initiated intimacy because I wasn't sure if she'd be up for it and I feared the rejection.

Another thought would be to have some kind of sign or look that will be code for what you are looking for. Of course you need to discuss the "code" or "codes" so he doesn't miss it...