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Dec 05, 2014, 12:54 AM
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Hi, music has literally saved my life! I have made one suicide attempt in the past. I swallowed a bunch of sleeping pills in h.s and had to be taken to the hospital to get my stomach pumped. I had to swallow this charcoal to get it out of my system. I'm glad that I didn't die that day! Yeah, people who put other people down are ugly and awful people inside. They're probably not happy with their life or themselves either.
I could never be anyone but myself. If I had to put on an act, most people would be able to see right through it. Some people have tried to change me in order to make things easier for them. They failed and needless to say I stopped talking to those people. My own family tried to change me forever but they have finally stopped trying to change who I am thankfully!
I don't really care to much about what most people think of me aside from my husband and my close friends. My sister and my family are kind of lost causes as they'll always see me as being "weird" and "unstable", ugh! My mom acts like she cares about us both equally, and so does my dad, but I know that's not the case for sure. They treat her a lot better than they treat me.
I'm the so called "freak", ugh! Not that they tell me that, but I'm definitely not treated as well as her. They don't care as much about me. She kisses their butts and sucks up to them in order to use them for financial support and they think it's because she really cares about them, ugh! Sorry to hear about Jackie- You're lucky that her family treated you with kindness and respect-
Thanks for your kind words- I do have plenty of days to where I don't want to go out or get out of bed at all. I force myself to get out there at times. You're right about my sister. She herself has bipolar disorder, but she refuses to take meds for it or get any help. I'm just clinically depressed. She thinks that I'm "weak" and that it's all in my head like my parents do. She tries hard to appear strong. She suppresses most of her negative feelings. Even she said it's not good for her to do at times since she eventually ends up exploding when she holds things in to long.
She should support me more, but she tends to be selfish and self absorbed. She is a little more mature and nicer than she used to be, but we'll never really be that close to each other. She tends to be to judgemental and critical of people who are different. Basically she's not the most understanding or sensitive person there is, and neither are my parents-
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