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Originally Posted by cool09
Is this correct behavior or a character flaw? People will say nasty things, take shots at you and after that they act like nothing was ever said. Then they expect you to act friendly towards them. I don't get it. It's prevalent in the workplace and everywhere. It's like being two-faced. How should you act/react? I have never taken shots at people. I always keep any thoughts to myself. If anyone can explain it or have any relevant stories that would be great to hear. (I've had supervisors/bosses take very personal shots at me at work for little to no reason (w/o being a bit constructive) then they expect you to show them full respect - and this was while working for Military as a civilian. I can never make sense of it for yrs afterward.) Another thing is that Psychiatrists and/or Psychologists really don't like getting into discussions about situations like this and help you make sense of them.
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I heard somewhere the military tears down the individual to mold him or her the way the military wants the person to be (part of the group)
Gangs often beat-in a new gang member.
Bullies are likely always looking for their next victim.
Companies/organizations are often hierarchical which to many people must necessarily mean "feces rolls down hill"
Some people "act like nothing" because they have been brought up in such a poor manner they really don't know they have been offensive.
Some people "act like nothing" to hide from themselves their own bad behavior.
Some people "act like nothing" because they want to rub salt into the wound they themselves have created.
Some people "act like nothing" because in order for the group to survive as a group, the people think it must be this way (I'd think the military--and gangs--would fall into this category).
But as someone else here has pointed out; you don't have to put up with it.
You can quietly say: "That was uncalled for" and let it go at that (to engage in arguing or expressing hurt feelings might only feed their inner bully)
You can quietly say: "Pull that again, and I'll [call HR, go up the food chain, take my business elsewhere]"--whatever fits. But say it quietly, calmly and firmly and do not further explain.
If necessary answer the person as if they did not just act like a creep to you. Then stop interacting with them unless or until you have to.
Move on completely to a different job, circle of friends, whatever fits.
I am not a subscriber to the idea that it is okay for people to whizz in my face -- as long as they eventually start treating me right or apologize.
I am talking about adults. Adults should know better than to be offensive and if they don't, they don't enter in to my line of sight.
I hope this helps.