i have always had a hard time with friends. i moved a lot growing up so never got to establish long term relationships and then when we finally settled down my first best friend really hurt me so i vowed that would never happen again and never trusted another person again. i am only now letting people in my life again thirty years later. i was playing free association a few weeks back and the last word was best friend and instead of negative thoughts and feelings a name popped in my head and i had a panic attack over the idea that i had let a person into my life. i will pm you.