i dont think they are right in telling you to just suck it up and make it work. its you who has to live it, not them... its easy for them to say that when its not them whos living in it.
sounds like he is downplaying it.. which is another thing done in emotional abuse. try not to second question yourself on what really went on. its a tactic that the abusers sometimes force onto the ones they are abusing. . your children really need to feel safe at home. and i dont know if they can in that atmosphere right now?? at the extreme, it sadly might come down to having to choose who you love/care about more... him or your children.
and abuser usually will start out "mild" and with time and each incident that they get away with, the next time will be even worse.
would living in a domestic violence shelter (or getting housing through a domestic violence program) be an option for you and your kids? the therapist will likely help get you and your children safe, and as long as their safety and care is one of your first priorities, cps wouldnt take them from you... but that would mean not living there or having the kids around him. (cps is suppose to act in the best interest of the child(ren). the only thing i can really say for sure is that about cps acting in the best interest for the child. i cant really say for certain what would come of anything (i speak only from my personal experence and what ive learned along the way). i used to be one of those kids. i was getting thrown at the couch, pushed into the shower, slapped across the face, pinched until i cried, whirled into the tv, and thrown into the wall (all before the age of 5yr). then later on i was living in a different kind of hell.

i can certianly tell that you are a very caring person, and i can tell your kids mean the world to you. it truely takes a big heart to still care for someone who is so uncaring in return. you have a big heart :-) .
please know that you arent at fault for what he does. he only has himself to blame. nothing anyone does can make him act in any way. its his own fault for his own actions.