I couldn't post last night -- it was such a difficult session and I was so fried.

The transference is out in the open now. He asked what I got from making phone call to him between sessions and I told him that I needed to feel safe and sometimes just needed to hear his voice to experience that safety.

I am having trouble touching my anger. T gave me a pillow to throw but I couldn't manage to throw it very far, so when it landed right by my chair, I had to pick it up and set it correctly on the couch (my ocd) and T made a comment about me having to fix things. (LOL)

So much emotion, my dissociation took a new form (well, new for during a session but not new for me). I felt extremely tired, and like a thick fog was surrounding me. T noticed it before I did. There was a moat between us.

Exhausted and somewhat sad all day today, still in a fog, but it is lifting slowly. I really wish I didn't dissociate so often.