Just guessing, hear on Dr. Phil your brain will have to go through changes the alcohol caused, and that's not going to happen right away. You need a doctor, maybe psychiatrist, to help you through all this. The more you fall off the wagon, I think the harder it will be to stop again. I know of a number of people who drank themselves to death. It's an ugly, sad way to go out. They just could not stop, and the damage was slow, but a sure thing.