So my username came from my first thought when I signed up because for that reason I was here and honestly I did not expect any responses that were beyond "I am sorry this happened to you" or "leave his cheating ***" or "once a cheater, always a cheater." Responses I have read on many many other forums. I didn't truly expect to have an account here very long. If I went with an animal, such as yourself, it would probably be a squirrel. I run around all day at work, I can't sit still when I am home, and I too like to store my nuts. I became a couponer when my husband was out of work. Seeing my pantry full and knowing I saved money makes me happy

So I wanted to give a little background on my husband. Last night again he did not come to bed. I did however come home from work and he was there, so I popped in a movie for the kid to distract her and snuck him off for a quickie which briefly made him smile, but overall he is just so unhappy (as am I, I suppose).

He was raised in a sort of country life. His parents never really put him first. The stories he tells me from his childhood kind of make me cringe with anger towards his parents. Because of his upbringing he has always said his family will come first. He was an only child. His parents were not alcoholics but did frequent the bar. He ran with a bad crowd in high school. He was careless with his sex life. He got into trouble. He did a little bit of time. He had a high school love with a love - hate relationship. They both cheated on each other often. They had a child when he was 23. They could not get along and separated ways. He has not seen that child for about a year now and it has been off and on like this since I met him. He met me a year after he seperated from her. Neither of us wanted anything serious at the time but we just fell into it. He had cheated on me before we married. I did then forgive and forget (well in a sense our passion returned and I didn't think about it as much as I am now). Then he was in a car accident 2 years after we met and became addicted to pain killers and eventually heroin. I stood by him "in sickness and health" and before we married he entered into a treatment program. He was in a methadone treatment for a few years and it did not work for him. He switched over to suboxone and has been weaning down from that, and should be completely drug free by February. We've had many highs and lows in our relationship. Right now feels like a deep low. I have been devastated by him before but not since we married and made those vows. This time feels different and I truly believe it's because of the fact I am more independent and less forgiving.

Today he was off of work due to rain. He has more energy since I've got home and has been cleaning up and giving the kid a bath, while I prep dinner. I can tell he is in a better mood. I have brought up depression back when the incident happened and a few other times this year. He refuses to seek a therapist. He tries anti-depressants, but did not like the way they made him feel.

So to say the least, our relationship is very complicated. It hasn't all been bad. There is a lot of love here and a history filled with some really great memories. But it's definitely not been all rainbows and butterflies!