Cheatedon, what you added does make a difference. Unfortunately, often what is left out can make a big difference in how posters respond.

It really does sound to me like your husband has self esteem issues and even had an addiction as well. That is a big challenge to "him, you and the marriage".

I married a man that was a binge alcoholic, I did not know that alcoholism was not "just" a person that needed to drink everyday or hide it in a paper bag. My husband cheated on me too, twice and I did not find out for several years. What I did learn about him however, is that his alcoholism had prevented him from growing up, I was told by a counselor that his maturity level was around age 12/13 and not to mother him even when he pushed my buttons to.

My husband definitely had self esteem issues and two learning disabilities that frustrated him which led to his drinking. My relationship with him went from his binge drinking to him being all about AA and staying sober and finding himself. Needless to say I was often lonely and now that I look back I really did not have an "adult" as a partner for many years.

From what you are saying, your husband is struggling and he really does need to seek help. It isn't fair to you to have to do all the work in this relationship and be a therapist/adult/mother.

I think it is good that you have a good job and can take care of the bills, often if a relationship doesn't make it because of the challenges your husband has, the wife really struggles and ends up living almost if not at poverty level needing to find a way to learn skills to support herself. I am sorry Cheatedon, that you have this kind of challenge, I am sorry for your husband too. I cannot stress enough how he does need help, being drug free is not going to change his inner challenge and it might be even harder for him.
At least you know that the cheating is his effort to somehow ease his low self esteem. In a way it is a kind of "escape" too a "running away" from something, not you, but his own problems.

I hope you are not upset with the responses, keep in mind that posters did not have the information you just posted, it does make a difference and members here really do try to be "supportive" and are known to be kind and caring.

I will tell you that my husband found the AA program to be very helpful. He had to learn how to manage his stress better, how to live his life one day at a time and what to do when he was struggling and wanted to "run" to the alcohol. My husband has been sober for 24 years now. It did take him several years to grow up and sometimes I still have challenges with him because he should have also had therapy too.

I wish I could tell you about a "quick fix" for the challenge you are having with your husband, I cannot, he has to finally get help and grow up, he will feel better if he does that too, it will also help his depressive days which are likely to continue even once he is off the drugs.

Please keep yourself active as this site can really be very helpful.

(((Hugs)))
OE