Have you ever heard of the Chinese finger trap? It's this crazy little tube that goes over your fingers like so:



The most fascinating thing about this device is that the more you try to fight it, the tighter its grip gets on you. Ironically, and against what you might intuitively think, the only way to free yourself from this trap is to release the tension and slide it off while its in its relaxed state.

The way you talk about fighting depression kind of reminds me of that (and it echoes my own struggles with depression in the past). We're so used to people telling us to get on our feet and go toe-to-toe with depression, that we forget that our depression is a lot like that finger trap. We give it power by fighting it and resisting it.

Interestingly, you won't find too many people telling you to lean into your depression, because that goes against every intuitive thing we've ever known. It doesn't make sense to us to stop fighting, because this disease grips us so strongly that it feels like it threatens our very existence.

I might suggest a less recommended path. That of actually giving up on that fight. Throwing up your hands in surrender and having the courage to admit that you can't beat depression in a fist fight. Instead, allow it to be a part of you and learn to detach yourself from it. Stare at it and observe it from the outside, from a new perspective. When the storm comes over you, train yourself to be still, to breath, to accept it while it's over you.

I think you'll find, as I did, that the less you fight it, the more it will actually loosen its grip on you. Next time you feel it coming over you, retreat yourself to a quit place and just sit quietly and let whatever thoughts are coming come over you. While they are coming, don't try to resist them or fight them...instead, examine them. Question them and verify their validity. When you're in the storm and these thoughts hit you, it'll become so fascinating how few of those thoughts carry any real truth or validity. They are ghosts...gremlins that take the helm of our minds and try to steer it into the ground. But when you look at them, and see them for what they really are, they begin to lose their power over you.