I am not upset with the responses at all. It is helping me to be able to talk to people that seem to understand. The therapist I was seeing was more of a "I am sorry" followed by the standard advice most receive in a cheating situation.

I glad to see you are still with your spouse after all this time and the challenges you faced. Did you ever just feel like you were tired of trying? Like maybe who am I to force him to become a better person if he doesn't want to try to seek help on his own or face his own issues. I have begged for him to see a therapist. He does not believe in group sessions. He would never open up in one. He does not really speak about his struggles with anyone. He swears he loves me and isn't going anywhere and will not do it again. But how can I believe that when his self esteem is low again for whatever reason and he won't need that boost? And maybe I am having a hard time coping with all of this because maybe it is I that wants to leave but is afraid I am walking out on something that would be great once again with time. My heart literally aches thinking about this. I have times when it feels like an elephant sat on my chest and I can not breathe. When I was younger I thought I would never find anyone like him again. But I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want the heart ache that I have gone through. I'd want it to be easier. My husband was my very first real love. I had a few boyfriends prior but nothing major. Never love. Now I realize that I deserve the best. So when I was asked at 23 what would I have felt a year after cheating. I would have been over it by now and moved on with him like it never happened. But at 32 I am wiser and feel like I deserve better and I know had I not forgave him before marriage, I might be with someone that I didn't have so many struggles with. I vowed to this man I would be with him forever through all good times and bad. I realize he took those same vows, but I took them very seriously. I can't just walk away from him as much as I feel that would be the easy way out for me.