My s/o and I separated 8 years ago, but remained very close. We live apart from each other, but spend a lot of time together. For over two years, he has needed a lot of help from me, as he is much older than me and his health has really been going downhill. He is barely able to continue living at home, but does not want to go to a nursing home. So I have been a major help to him.

For Thanksgiving, my friend told me not to cook because he wanted to take me out for dinner instead. Well, he kept postponing going out on Thanksgiving, finally telling me he didn't want to go out at all. So that was our Thanksgiving. This seems like a pretty small thing, when I boil it down, but I did get very demoralized over this.

Since Thanksgiving, I've run over to do one errand or the other for him, but I haven't spent the amount of time that I normally spend. I've mostly been home getting more depressed and feeling sorry for myself.

I guess, I was hoping he would call and want to make it up to me for Thanksgiving being a bust. That may be expecting more than he ever has the ability to think of, at this point.

We used to do things for each other. Now, it's gotten to be pretty one-sided. I guess I'm just not good-hearted enough to stay in a situation like this. A few setbacks happened to me lately. I've gotten demoralized, and I seem to feel worse when I go over to see him. If I'm not going to keep up with all I've been doing for him, then I need to tell his family who are far away, or the VA who provide his medical care.

If anyone reading this has experienced getting demoralized with being a care giver, I would appreciate hearing how you handled it. I did speak to a psychologist at the VA not too long ago. She told me that it is not all that unusual for women who are ex-wives or ex-girlfriends to end up doing the major caretaking for men at the end of their lives. This stunned me. I thought my situation was rare, but apparently not. She further told me, that women in my position do tend to get feeling pretty burned out.

I made great progress over the past year getting on top of my own problem with depression. Now, in just the past month, the bottom is falling out. I'm sinking like a stone.