So first an update with how things are going with the ex-GF. So I've gone back for a second time to the gym this week. I've always gone Wednesday and Friday night's, but Friday's are kind of the social night where we all became friends. My ex-GF and I spent a lot of time together talking tonight. She seemed really happy that I've started coming back, and that I've started taking steps about fixing my problems with my Mom.

I also told her that I really hated the fact that she got dragged into this mess, that she was really the catalyst for this entire situation, and that I had never intended it to be like this. She said she knows it isn't her, it's my Mom, and that she can take it. She also said something to the extent that when I was involved with her when were together was unhealthy, and I need to get that resolved.

Now in terms of where we stand, I really don't know. I get the sense from her that she's not interested in getting back together into a relationship beyond friendship. Or perhaps she's waiting to see how things play out over the course of the next couple of months, and see how things progress with the relationship with my Mom before considering entering into a relationship with me again. I honestly don't know. But she did mention the office Christmas party again, and that she's going alone, and how she hates going to these things by herself. And she said it more than once. I wasn't about to invite myself, especially how the rest of the evening played out with the conversations we had just had. I'm not sure if that was a mistake or not, not to invite myself. It really did feel like if she wanted me to go with her, should would have asked me, but she didn't.

But all things considered, maybe it's best that we don't get back together right away, even if those cards are the table. I've just started re-discovering myself and problems I'm having with my Mom. I feel if she said yes, let's get back together right now, that it might be possible I could cave again into my Mother's demands. As much as I'm working at moving forward with these changes in my life, I still feel I have a lot to learn how to control me feelings with my Mom, and how to handle the situation better so that I don't do that sort of thing.

All in all, my ex-GF and I at least have our friendship back, which I do cherish. She is a lovely person and I deeply care for her. Does it hurt that we're not together; heck yeah. Being that I've not had a real relationship with a woman up until this point, and knowing myself, I get pretty emotionally attached. But if there is a chance for us again later down the road, I want to be sure that I'm at 100% so that something like this doesn't ever, ever happen again.

On to my Mom. When I got home tonight, she seemed okay, but it seems like I'm getting somewhat of the silent treatment. I was out for a long time tonight, and I know for a fact she can get jealous when I go out. She even gets that way with my friends. Fact; she's invited herself to lunch or dinner with my friends several times. My friends like my Mom, but they find it kind of weird. But again, she's depressed and very anti-social. I would really love for her to start seeing someone and get some counselling. It would be so beneficial to both her and I. One of her best friends recommended she see someone a few months back, about her being depressed about my Dad. But she told her friend no, that she has every right to still be depressed about my Dad since he's passed, and that's only been four years. She's been grieving about my Grandmother (her Mom) since 1990. I wonder if it would be a good idea for me to talk to her friend, tell her what's going on with my Mom and I, and maybe she could help push the idea of convincing her to go see someone? Or would that be crossing the line in the same way of what she's done to me?

I also would like some opinions on what would be the best way to go about finding a local therapist, one that has somewhat of an understanding about the situation I'm in. Any advice on the best way to search out one besides Google.

I've gotten half-way through the book, Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. It's been very informative and helpful. I found a couple of other books on Amazon on the subject, The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life, and When He's Married to Mom: How to Help Mother-Enmeshe​d Men Open Their Hearts to True Love and Commitment. Has anyone else read either of these, or have any other recommendations?

In regards to some of the comments made above,

That's pretty much happened on the weekend after my Mom met my girlfriend back in September. She spent all weekend first yelling at me, and being angry. Then she spent the rest of it being depressed, telling me she's sick and needs to go to a nursing home, etc. We got into a huge argument that night, where I walked out the door. I didn't have my keys to the car, so I just kept walking and ended up sitting at a McDonald's for a few hours. I called my ex then to tell her what happened, because we were supposed to go out again that weekend, but didn't because of all the craziness my Mom put on. On the walk home I was ready to go back into a rage filled house. The first thing I said when I walked into the door was, "I don't know what I did so wrong to be in your bad books, but I guess I'll move out." My Mom told me that I'm not going anywhere, but she wasn't yelling anymore. I thought we had a fairly decent conversation about how I wanted a girlfriend yet then, and that I liked this girl. That's when I thought my GF and I could still continue our relationship, but then she went crazy on me a week later telling me that she had told me to break up with her. Somewhere in that more calming conversation we had, I believe she had it in her mind that she somehow told me that I should end it, because my GF was no good for me, or at least conveyed that information across. But yes Rose76, I have walked out of the house once and it didn't help all that much as I believed it would. And yes, I can see even at this point there are going to be fireworks, and I need to prepare myself for that.

I sure hope so. That's what brought me here. The thought of waking up one day when I'm 60+ and having never been in a relationship frightens me to death. I know if I don't act now and do something about it, I will end up alone at 60, and I know I'll deeply, deeply regret it. I'm already regretting it at 36. It's been hard enough in my life building the confidence and self esteem I've been lacking when it comes to women, but to add my Mom into the mix doesn't help one bit. I definitely feel I can approach women more now than ever, but I now need to fix the Mommy situation, which I believe was a big reason why I lacked the confidence and self esteem all those years; including the fear of "what will my Mom think."

Again, that's why I'm here. I'm trying to change that. I want to change, I want my independence, and I want to pursue my life with my needs and goals, with my morals and values. Not hers. I love her dearly, but this has to end.