I met him online when I was still in a relationship with my ex boyfriend. We had a very passionless dead relationship for the last 3 years and were talking of mutually breaking up all the time. When I bumped into my present guy online, I felt like I had found my soulmate. There was an extremely strong pull that I couldn't explain. I had never felt so strongly for anyone so quickly before. And I hadn't even so much as seen his photo. We were only chatting and I was smitten. So I expressed my feelings to him and he reciprocated. I broke up with my ex.

At that moment, we were only chatting and talking over the phone as it was long distance. He was from the same city as mine but was away for work for a few months. We used to talk all night. I was however in a bit of a turmoil with a fresh break up and what not. One day, i went to a party and happened to meet this guy I sort of had a connection with for a few years. I was a bit drunk and we kissed. The next day, I told my online boyfriend (?) about the incident. I am not sure why I did that. I wasn't sure if we were even in a relationship. But that was the moment everything changed. I tried explaining that the guy I kissed wasn't a bad person taking advantage of me and it just happened. He took it as me defending that guy and the kiss. He kept bringing that up every now and then, getting filled with rage. There were some times I just happened to mention a bit of intimate stuff about my exes. That started to really tick him off. He started exploding on calls, calling me all kinds of bad names, verbally abusing me. I am scared that what if this turns into physical violence some day.

He is 32 and I am 29 and in our country, it is extremely crucial that we get married now and there is a lot of pressure from everyone. He saw me as someone he wanted to marry from day one. I kind of felt that too but it takes me time to be completely serious. Anyway, I tried to be more careful with mentioning the exes. But I have been in relationships most of my life so it is bound to slip. He started getting mad at stuff like me not wanting to be the boss of each other's money after marriage. Or me wanting to keep a cook. Or me having male friends. He started having issues with my boldness, me cracking adult jokes with guy friends. And I am the kind of person who hardly has any friends and meets them once every 3-4 months and stays home all the time.

Now we fight and break up every 3-4 days. We mostly just talk over phone as he avoids meeting me for the fear of making memories. He thinks he is very emotional and he doesn't want to get too attached for the fear of a really bad heart break. When we fight, he skips work, drinks day and night, verbally abuses me over phone and texts. Lately, I have started losing patience and I say demeaning stuff back too. I have tried to be there for him as much as I can. Tried to be respectful, give him space, spent days trying to figure out how I could make him happy.

Around the time we first met, he lost most of his savings in a bad investment. He then decided to move closer to my house, spent around a month or more fixing his place and is living all alone. He says that all of that is making him very depressed. He also blames me for his depression and bad health. Every time I try to explain myself, he thinks I am arguing. I have been sticking around thinking that I screwed up a lot and maybe if I somehow makeup for it, things will be better and he won't be abusive. We have talked about going to a therapist too together. He says that he was never like this with any of his exes and all these fights are draining him a lot. I know he loves me a lot and I do too. I can see that he is probably depressed. But I am not sure if it is worth it and if he will ever accept me and stop abusing me. What do I do?