I was great in school, meaning I was an honor roll student till my senior year of high school. When I came home from school was a different story. All my aggravation from the bullying (for being different who wouldve thought), from not having a group of friends, from keeping my composure because no one needed to see my behaviors in my opinion. I would lash out towards my parents, I could be very rude with a drop of a hat and my parents had difficulties making me do my homework. I have memories of crawling under the kitchen table just saying I couldnt do it. At that age I didnt realize my Concerta (ADD medication) would wear off around 3pm, the time I got off the bus. My mother realized that I just couldnt concentrate and got into the habit of having a cup of coffee ready for me when I got home. It helped quite a bit. I didn't start mood stabilizers till I was 16 years old and at that point being rebellious I didnt like the fact I was on them and I thought it made me weak. I went off my Concerta at the time I started the Lamictal. My psychiatrist didnt want to diagnose me with bipolar disorder she stated it was a mood disorder. I was also on an SSRI (Zoloft) starting at the age of 9 years old. I also saw a social worker and it was a constant struggle with my social worker saying I was over medicated and my psychiatrist stating it was normal behavior. I believe hormones had a big part in the equation. I stopped seeing that psychiatrist at the age of 18 and went off all medications. In college I struggled to the point I had to get done after two years. During that time I tried to go back the combination of medications I was on before (Concerta, Zoloft,) without the mood stablizer (Lamictal). I had trouble keeping friends in college, not because of out lashing I just became antisocial. I also felt overwhelmed with my studies. I was taking 5 courses a semester with work study and a 32 hour job. Luckily I lived with my parents still and my mother told me that I was pushing myself too hard. She also told me that yes a lot of students do this kind of load but with having a mood disorder (which I have now been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1) I need to watch myself and take care of myself. When I went thru cosmetology school I had difficulty dealing with the other students. I had a completely different personality than they did and I was there for a different reason ( I wanted to work with people with alopecia and cancer patients). I did not work at that point and put all my focus on school. I was not medicated at this point ( I was 20 years old). I was very successful with grades. I also think very black and white (polarized thinking) so when I didnt do something successfully I would start completely over when it was unnecessary. I was quite hard on myself and I still am. In a way this is showing you can get good grades and such but be struggling on the inside.