In the deep dark hole, I am blinded. I can barely speak for myself, but I believe that the mind and body are one. Everyone is unique, though, and science and spirituality practices have not captured a way to perfectly match therapies to individuals. I feel resigned more and more, but I want to fight that. I want to feel not depressed. I can't remember life without waves of worse depression over a baseline of depression. Maybe that is my life, and I must simply accept it. Maybe the fight is futile. But here I am, fighting. trying meds, meditation, yoga, CBT.