Hate myself. Don't want to sleep but I'd better force myself. The thoughts... I'm kind of blocking them out but I can't block out the feeling in my chest.

At these times I can't even imagine feeling better. I don't deserve to feel better. And everything is my fault, rational or not. I wish I could just give up. But I can't, because I've gotten people to care about me. Horrible mistake. I should have alienated myself long ago.