I'm 17. My parents have caught me time and time again smoking weed so they sent me to a program where they drug test me and force me to go to 3 a.a. meetings a week.

I don't know why but them stopping me from smoking, going to parties, and hanging out with friends has made me extremely suicidal. I have clinical depression and I've attempted suicide in the past, but I thought I'd moved past that and found peace in my smoking habits. I was truly happy smoking 2 times a day and just living live freely. Now that they're fighting so hard to control me, I'm shouting nasty things at them and refusing to change to the point where I believe I'm hurting their mental stability. My mom has threatened to kill herself and my dad is downstairs crying yet I still refuse to change. I used to believe I loved them, but how could I if I refuse to change even at the expense of their health.

I'm so angry and so miserable and I don't know why because I have money, a house, and parents who care. I am just so angry and sad all the time and I can't handle it any more. I'm having homicidal and suicidal urges, I can't stop crying, I've felt like crap every single day for the past month and I can't do it any more. I'm so confused and I just really need to not live here any more. I want to leave so I can stop hurting my parents, but they won't let me leave. I feel like I might kill someone or myself please help me