So, I just finished with a training to co-facilitate a peer-support group with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) to work with 18-30 year olds, (I'm 25) and the training I think is going well, but I almost don't even want to finish this post, that's how much I am already doubling myself … I just need to focus on how I am capable of being a facilitator and that I will benefit those who need help. But at the same time I need help and a lot of it since I'm still experiencing symptoms of all of my illnesses. But anyway I'd like to think that I can help others and I know that I can, but the main voice that I hear tells me all of these negative things like, "Well, you're still and forever will be ****ed up so how could you ever help anyone. You worthless POS." And this is all I hear, and after and throughout the training I always alluded to how I didn't do well during an exercise or a scenario in the group. And then the trainer came up to me stating that I would be able to facilitate a group and that I'm doing just fine. And then I started to cry and I told him that I thought he was lying to me and that I wouldn't be able to actually lead a group. And I just kept crying and the woman who was in charge of the Youth Work tried to support me as well and gave me a hug and I kept crying stating that I have no confidence in myself at all and that I have low self-esteem.

I just don't know how to not have anxiety about all of it. Since I need so much help myself, I just don't know how I will be accepted into the group since there already is a group facilitator. So I am very anxious about that. I want know if I will be accepted into the group, if the members will even like me. I don't know if they will. I think that I may be able facilitate the group, but my voice tells me that I can't do it. It creates so much frustration. I don't even know if I can do this. There's only two days for the training and I feel like I need a week of training or at least more examples to facilitate. I've facilitated discussion about low-income housing before with Habitat for Humanity but that was years ago. I just don't know what to do, and it's really bothering me. I just wish I had more confidence, that's for sure.