Saw t on Friday.. He said a couple of things that made me think. 1. It's been three years that I have been working with him, and he has never seen me cry once. He thinks it's b/c I still very highly guarded and have my defenses up, I am not getting in touch with the emotions surrounding my trauma. I seriously, can't be the only knew who hasn't cried in therapy after an extended amount of time in therapy? 2. Talking about people being better off without me.. He said that he can't speak for anybody else, but he would be devastated if I were "gone." How am I supposed to believe this? Should this matter to me?

We left the session with him asking me to check in with him tomorrow at some point so I can "contract" for my safety. Which I can deal with because he said he was feeling insecure about my promise to be safe between then and my next session with him.

Life kind of sucks right now.