Spiders are a breeze. Can of insect spray, and a vacume with the floor thingie off it so it's just a long, sucking pipe. Spider apparently dies from hitting edges of tube, but I leave the vac on in case Super Spider lives, and I spray bug spray and suck that up with the vac also.

Jars, I have a silicone grippy thing that is awesome, and if I still suck at opening it, it goes in my outbox and I get dad to open them. LOL.

Physical affection, that's harder. Promote friends?