Perhaps I am barking up the wrong tree and maybe even the wrong planet but it made me think of abandonment. I sometimes fear that I will lose the intimacy of the therepuetic relationship. It also seems to me that you got an appointment and then you couldn't share what you wanted to due to the other people--other clients, nosy insurance company, whomever. Then, you got the intimacy that you needed. Soon the next client arrived (thinner woman) and you left. You returned home to see dad and husband. They felt slighted because you share things with T that you don't share with them. (My sister sometimes feels slighted a bit that I share things with T and not her) Then you might have felt guilty about all the things that you shared with T instead of with dad and your husband. Of course this is only one persons theory. As be apprised that I completely lack a sex drive and so I don't think of sex scenes as being about sex. It seems to me to remind me of intimacy in the relationship. If my T was of the opposite sex. I would probably fantasize about having sex with T but my T is my gender.