You are still grieving and I find it best not to focus so much on dating and just making very close bonds with people friendships close friendships. You lost the most important friend in your life whose been with you all this time, I wouldn't blame you for how you felt. Frustrated between the struggle of wanting a relationship and being alone. I don't know if this will help you, but I was told in my struggle with grief that, find people who will accept you as friends and keep those bonds closer when you are at your worst when you are not dating. If you are dating, date someone who has gone through this and is more healed than you. They would know how to empathize and mold to your needs emotionally easier than someone who doesn't.

It's easier when someone can relate and be there for you and support you even at your worst and not be pushy or mean about it or take it too personally. Also I'd say if you need to keep on taking a break, just listen to your heart and don't date or think about it. Don't let people in unless you are ready to let them in.

It'll be much easier on yourself.

I struggle a bit of this myself.