It's been over half a year since I've been away from going to my churches faith youth group. I finally decided I wanted to go after all this time and it pretty much was the most discouraging and regretful decision I've made. All the people I knew and most of the so called 'friends' I made during the time I had getting to know these people just completely ignored me and didn't even take acknowledgement that I was even there!

Only my cousin, her friend, and 3 other people even noticed I was there and gave me a hug and left.

No one told me they missed me, greeted me, talked to me, ask me how I was doing. Nothing. It made me cry and feel how worthless I am. Nobody showed they cared for my presents, I wasn't even really looked at. I was like a ghost, none of the people I used to talk to even took the moment to see me and say anything. I even stood next to the youth group leader and they only looked my way. I even said hi and they didn't hear me or if they did, ignored me.

I even went out of my way to be social, when I fear it the most, and no one would talk to me, I even kept on getting interrupted by someone or somebody would just decide to walk away in the middle of a group conversation.

After that night, one of them told me to come back next time. They told me I needed to come back. Why would I come back when no one cared to even treat me like I never left or wasn't even there in the first place?

When I got home I took a moment to feel how dumb I felt for even going, I hated it. I started to have a mood swing with crying and telling myself how much of a pain I am to people. I'm seriously feeling depressed and wondering if I can stand anyone anymore.

What's wrong with me? Why do so many people treat me like this? Everyone's so mean to me and yet they say I'm a nice and friendly person. Why do people do this? Is it I'm undeserving and meant to have a horrible life?

I'd rather be dead, than to suffer in a world I don't belong in. :'(