It's not going to happen. No matter what I decide to do I have too much self hatred. It will never change. I know deep inside I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. It is so sad but it is true. Every time my mom talks about how she wants my brother and I to get married eventually it hurts because I know I will never experience this or ever be in a relationship with a girl. Almost every other person in my school will eventually but I will permanently be alone.