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Dec 08, 2014, 04:29 AM
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Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 14,805
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maria116
@hamster-bamster,
Thanks for your concern. No, the car was not moving, it was parked, thence my comment that maybe I should have just run out.
I did tell him the following day that I was not happy about what had happened, I said "it was unnecessary." I did not use dramatic language as I had not resisted him, in fact I eventually went with the motions. I have experienced being forcefully molested as a child by a grown-up stranger (he said I needed to do what he said if I wanted to ever come home alive), and as an adult I've always had a problem saying no to men's sexual advances. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a loose woman - I've been celibate for five years after my divorce - but in the actual situations when I'm with a man and he wants sex and I know it's not the right time, I am afraid to say no. I'm afraid of making him upset or angry. Actually, your words to me "don't be afraid to be rude" - I decided to take heed. I told myself IT'S OKAY TO SAY NO. I'm 35 and am getting back out in the dating scene, so there may be more situations in the future where I will need to firmly say NO without fear. Anyway, he apologized and I accepted, we are not dating anymore though.
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OK, since you already talked to him and he apologized, it is kind of late, although if you know his email address or cell phone number of his FB page or any other contact info that permits writing, and, if you care at least a bit about how he treats the next woman he tries dating, you could still send him the following:
"Dear ABC,
Let me give you feedback on our "date" - feedback that you can hopefully incorporate into your behaviors and attitudes, both to the benefit of the women you will be seeing in the future (no, I won't be one of them, see in more detail below on the reasons why) and, believe me, your own benefit.
The evening was going well and I was starting to like and appreciate you. You seemed like {list his positive attributes} and I was beginning to think that you and I would have fun spending time together and then, perhaps, seeing if we would like to add sex into the mix. So by the time we finished our drinks and were ready to leave the bar, I had decided that I would want to see you again.
And then you ruined everything with your insensitive, rude, and condescending conduct, to say nothing about groping me in the car (that was done in particularly bad taste).
Unfortunately, the negative qualities that you revealed after we left the bar override the initial positive impression I had of you, and hence I would not want to have any further contact with you.
I hope you now realize that what you did was supremely dumb - you blew your chance of dating a {list your positive attributes}, and charming petite woman. I hope you will spend some time reflecting on this fiasco of yours and wish you luck in your future endeavors.
Regards,
YOUR NAME"
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