I read through the list of narcissistic characteristics, and I honestly don't really see her as a narcissist. I think my Mom has something else entirely different going on, but I can see how one would diagnose her as a narcissist. I think she's dealing with both a combination of depression, and using me as her "project", to be involved in my life and not living her own. And the more I've thought about it, I see those two specific characteristics as something that's been going on for nearly 25 years, and even more so since my Dad passed away.

I think my Mom really doesn't know where treating me like a child rather than an adult begins and ends for her. Even the little things add up. Just an example, a few weeks ago I went to a concert, by myself. She insisted that she drive me and drop me off and pick me after, because there's no sense is paying for parking. As I've said before, she uses our financial situation as an excuse for almost everything. And yes, we're not in the best shape financially, but I don't see her trying to change that. I for one am, which I hope will give me more of an incentive to put my foot down and make my own decisions without her being able to use it as an excuse.

But I do realize part of it is my own fault, I've let things slide for so long, some of which I should have known better, like opening the mail, that it became a normal routine for her. I grew up in a household where I felt I never had anything to hide, simply because I was taught never to hide anything, so no boundaries were ever drawn. Now I see that that was a big mistake, and I need to take more responsibility for my own actions with my life.

As I've mentioned before, I'm reading the book Toxic Parents, and I'm finding some real help in there. Coming here and writing and getting feedback also helps, a lot. I feel I've been making real progress, but it's slow, and not as quick as I wish it could be. I'm starting to make small changes and adjustments in my daily routine, changes to things like starting to get my banking statements come to me directly via email, rather than by the mail. I've even felt I've taken some steps in my overall physical health; trying to eat better, get more exercise, etc. Perhaps a combination of mental, emotional and physical health will lead me to a brighter future.

Eventually dating and girls will come back into the picture, and I've had days where I feel incredibly confident that I can stand up to her and finally tell her how I really feel, and that she has absolutely no right in that part of my life. Then there are days where I'm not sure if I have the balls to do it. Like I said, it's slow progress, but it's progress nonetheless.