Petra5ed, I'm so sorry his words stung so badly. You've been very open, here, in talking about how much you love your T. Is it possible your adoration became transparent to him and he felt it necessary to smack up some boundaries around things real fast?

Sometimes we think we're doing a good job of hiding our emotions, but our Ts see right through us. Caring is one thing, adoration is another and it's really not healthy.

It would have been better if he'd used the word "professional" rather than "business." But he goofed. Possibly because your adoration was becoming way too apparent.

I don't know if what you feel for him is transference of if you've actually fallen for him in a big way. I'm not so sure that all of these difficult feelings about our Ts can be compartmentalized as transference. Some types of therapy encourage transference, others treat it as a cognitive distortion and try to reframe it or dispute it or get the client to think differently about it.

The fact that his words stung so hard and that you're thinking about taking a break pretty much shows how confused and distorted your feelings about him have become. You mention that this sort of thing, you caring for someone and them not caring back, seems to be a theme in your life.

That's the thing to talk about -- the on-going pattern that hurts you again and again. Maybe it has nothing at all to do with you being some unlovable creature (which is a frequent interpretation) but more to do with you, in your adult life, choosing people to love who are unavailable to you for various reasons, maybe because you're re-enacting fears or themes from your childhood.

That's the reason to not take a break from therapy. This is fresh and right there and your T was obviously aware of the intensity of your feelings for him and he wanted to reframe it and he did it clumsily.

If you just talk about your love for him and the sting of his words, you may not get anywhere. And it's difficult because it's embarrassing. But if you talk about the theme in your life, the pattern, you may figure out some important things and make important progress.

Just because it's a professional relationship (a much better word than business) it doesn't mean he doesn't care. It means he's unavailable to care about you in the intensely personal love way you care about him. He set the boundary. Respect it and talk about the theme.

You may well be damned lovable as a woman and person, but if you are like many damn lovable women still dealing with childhood trauma, it may feel much safer to love only those who can't or won't return it. And even though it safer, it leads to so much heartbreak. So much. You deserve a better life than that old hurtful pattern. You do! We can only get that better life by choosing to face the patterns of behavior that keep hurting us. It's hard. But very worth it.

I wish you the best.