yeah thank you so much Altered.
i think that she is not a bad person, and that i shouldn`t take it personal, but it is very hard from her to be..humm..she is very matirialistic.

i took that rescue remedy-against nerves-again today. from th every morning. i think of what will happen if she talks to the owner of this department and she will say that THEY should stay and not me. i think that she doesn`t care....anyway.

i want to tell her that i am personally very dissapointed in her behaviour. and that i agreed to almost everything, and she brought all the furniture, and stuff for the kitchen..everythig. and always decorating and doing something in this department. she loves it so much. i guess she feels she is the mistress here.

a "push over" is some1 who is easliy taken advantage of?
-yes! that was me but no more. a week or 2 ago a started realizing a few think about this world, about the human nature... about MYSELF.

"my soul was searching, reaching for something
i`ve seen my true self ....." (soil)

anyways what SHUOULD``t happen is that i am bothered so much from this situation, afraid, confused, angry, nervous, haveing stress-i CAN`T efford ths- i have no time.
now if i think of sympathy and nice words and start taking
about it and taking pity on myself it will drive me insane, into being a victim. of this sttuaiton, and waste time on emotions again! and i have A LOT of homework projects to do! i have no time fro crying, trembling, sitting alone and thinking..

lol deep inside i feel alittle bad for refusing her. but what the heck. i don`t have to let her kick me out of here. it`s disgusting. i am angry right now but i have to go calm down somehow. i don`t have to suffer from this, it happenes only if i let myself get spoilt
"ho ho ho poor me" - %#@&#! THAT!
i am not a victim i am a creator. i need to creat myself different.