Just wanted to follow up on my saga from the “Why do clients cancel their sessions?” thread. Context: I had been for my very first couples session the week before, at which, my husband and I decided to get a divorce. Talk about starting couples therapy off with a bang. We agreed to come back the following week for another couples session. The next morning, I called T and left a message saying I would like an individual session also, and I really wanted it before the next couples session (which was yesterday). A whole week passed and T never called me back. I felt ignored and abandoned, plus I had a ton of emotional stuff come up over the week due to the divorce decision and was really falling to pieces. I was thinking I might cancel the couples session as I didn’t think I could function there with all this emotional upheaval and in such a fragile state.

So for yesterday's session, I arrive on time and then a woman joins me in the waiting room. We discover we both have sessions booked for the same time. Uh oh. Same thing happened last week—a man showed up at the time for my session. Turns out he was wrong and T had him leave. This time, T checks his schedule and he has indeed written us both in for the same time, even though I have had this time slot every week for eons. But wait, this isn’t a disaster! Suddenly I see that this woman is a way out of my dilemma. I will back out and let her take the session. Then my husband and I won’t have to have a couples session without my first having had a solo session, which I dearly need. What a great solution, so I offer the slot to her. She says well, no, that’s OK, you take it. And my T says, yes, they--meaning me and my husband--are in crisis mode and should take the session. (Somehow it is weird to hear your T tell someone else that you are having a crisis. I guess we really must be in crisis if he is telling strangers that. So it’s not just all in my head--this really is gut wrenching.) I say, no, that’s really OK, I really didn’t want to come today anyway. The woman says, no, no, it’s fine, I really don’t have to be here either. T is kind of like, what? neither of you wants to be here? Neither of you wants this session? It’s kind of funny. But T is really pressing for me to take the slot and finally I say I didn’t really want to do couples again until I got a chance to see you myself. And he says well the next slot after ours is empty due to a last minute cancellation, so we quickly shuffle things, I take the first appointment, and then my husband joins us for the second hour. The woman leaves.

We talk a bit first about how T never returned my phone call from the previous week and we resolve that issue. Then we get to the real stuff, why I so needed that solo session. T can see I have totally cracked open and he just provides support, empathy, and that holding thing that T’s do without actually touching you. He just invites me to sit in my sadness, and I tell him some of the most painful things and let out some of the hurt, and I cry and cry and cry, and he is like “I can feel your pain” and I see him lose a few tears too. I really needed that. After our hour, I feel so much better, kind of “shored up” and much more ready for whatever comes next. I do tell him also that it is all moving too fast for me, and he suggests that slowing it down would be a good idea. Then my husband arrives and we have a couples session for an hour, and that goes pretty well. I could not have done that without the individual session first. T suggests to my husband and me that we move more slowly, so that is good.

Anyway, everything turned out well. I can’t believe how much that individual session helped me. Also, I learned that my T welcomes me to have individual sessions in addition to couples each week. I had been wondering about that since he never returned my call and I had been feeling like maybe I violated some rule/boundary. Turns out the woman who was double booked with me has both individual and couples sessions each week too, so it is not unusual for my T to provide that. And in our couples session, T formally invited us each to have individual sessions too, so there is no confusion on that. (My husband declined, and I accepted.). The challenge will be whether T’s schedule will have slots to accommodate me.

Today I was still feeling so much better and functional and less falling to pieces. Whatever T gives me needs to be bottled, so I can just take a spoonful whenever needed.